Intermission II: somehow, i had a feeling this was coming.

when i'd decided that i'd dedicate this blog to entirely poetry and prose, i think somehow deep down inside i knew i'd end up changing my mind, and start chunking conversational bits in. after all, i got bored with switching blog colours once a month, so who's to say i wont get bored writing P and P all the time?

yesss... it does get very tiring and mind-crashing writing stories and poetry all the time (or turning incidents and thoughts into them anyway. its easiest when the words fall together themselves); having said that, when i was with BP, i found it infinitely easier to churn out the above, rather than a piece of hard news.

i'm glad i went. i really am, because that one month pointed out my path clearer than any course counselor could. you see, a doubting thomas like me has to experience things for myself (when i can work up the guts to) or else forever i'll be wondering if i could handle it, and end up not doing anything at all.

with the intention to digress, i've suddenly gotten a sudden urge to dissect my behaviour in relation to the doubting thomas infliction: i used to refuse to eat eggplant until once i had it, and found it incredibly delicious, and have been enjoying it ever since then. oh, black mushrooms too. and multiple other vegetables, bitter ones excluded.

good God, why am i rambling about vegetables? i must've had my brain addled with all the research terms miss W was tossing at us just now. i will NOT want to do anything with research, ever. i can barely even catch up with that machine brain of hers; Lord knows, not being able to catch on quickly's pretty damaging to the pride of someone who considers herself relatively quick.

the jester often laughs at me for saying 'if only' (if only Dr M'd chosen a better successor), but now all i can think about are the so many 'if onlys' that've been bothering me in the recnt weeks.
if only we'd followed our instincts when we first met PD.Q, if only Dr N would still be teaching us, if only i'd known that Group Processes was under Dr A, if only we didnt have to get separated for PSY208, if only DKF hadnt been such a stubborn fool, if only he'd thought to use his brain, if only L didnt behave like that, if only i knew how to help them, if only she didnt have to suffer and go through all this, if only, if only, if only.

i hope this semester isnt going to turn out rainy. by the looks of it, i'm sensing dark clouds ahead already.

if only, if only.




P.S you see? rhymes come to me when i least need them. =.=