its with a warm feeling that i remember the night before of the last new year, so ripe with expectations, so full of promise.
has it truly been a good year?
looking back at a day a year from now, scattered pieces have been glued back, some preserved like the treasures they are, more've been broken, or are cracked and close to breaking. will those be able to tahan till next year? we'll see.
these last months, there've been days where life was so bleak i simply wanted to curl up and shrink into the walls, melt into the floor, times when fury nearly got the better of me and turned me into a monster, and had lots of pebbles i tripped over and felt like taking a sledgehammer to, or shrews i'd have happily have tossed into a cellar and locked away.
has it truly been a good year?
looking back at a day a year from now, scattered pieces have been glued back, some preserved like the treasures they are, more've been broken, or are cracked and close to breaking. will those be able to tahan till next year? we'll see.
these last months, there've been days where life was so bleak i simply wanted to curl up and shrink into the walls, melt into the floor, times when fury nearly got the better of me and turned me into a monster, and had lots of pebbles i tripped over and felt like taking a sledgehammer to, or shrews i'd have happily have tossed into a cellar and locked away.
having said that, it can be quite sharp a jolt, looking into and around yourself, and finding you dont like what you see. and quite a wake up call it was.
still, i'll take the bad with the good. as far as vision goes, its definitely clearer than its been in the entire 21 years of my living. Not just that, found lots of new fun to indulge in, gone through some pretty whacky and bizzare episodes, all of which total up to some very satisfying moments; had more files and stuff chucked into my long term memory, and i hope they're there to stay, even if i cant manage to lug them back up front. its enough knowing its stored somewhere in those folds of neurons.
for better or for worse, its also taken this year for me to finally comprende that certain fears're simply unfounded, and that sometimes the easiest way to beat a demon is just to close my eyes, have faith in the Father above and take a nice big leap. and for that, i thank Him, for the little bites of insight He's given me, for all the peace of mind that He filled my heart with, for every prayer He granted, for the strength He's given me through those genuine companions He's given me.
also, there're someone elses i would thank, for all the patience shown me, all the short tempers put up with, all the trouble i've given. you, you and you, you mean just about the world to this child who's still finding her footing in this world.
yes. i've grown up, and not just only a little bit more. wish me luck in growing up another bit more.
oh, one final thing... isnt it funny how a grown-up still needs to have grown up in order to be considered grown up? sorry, i couldnt resist one last bit of wordplay. ;)
Happy New Year, everybody!
P.S to all those who've left this world, i pray that you may find peace and solace in the world you're in now, whichever one you believe in. May God be with you always.
